We watched KFC's Lifetime drama 'A Recipe for Seduction' so you don't have to | Review

If you missed Sunday’s noon premiere of the holiday mini-movie “A Recipe for Seduction,” a romance starring Mario Lopez as Kentucky Fried Chicken's Colonel Sanders, allow me to walk you through the masterpiece stocked with drama, incredible suspense and plenty of twists you’ll never see coming.

In a normal Lifetime movie, those twists may be predictable, but the beauty of this film is every scene has been jammed into a 15-minute time slot, making each plot development completely unexpected.

“A Recipe for Seduction,” brought to you by KFC, tells the story of a young woman expected to marry a man from a wealthy family with a big name. Her mother has the man picked out for her, but the woman isn’t sure he’s the one. It’s an age-old tale, relatable to any woman born into a rich family with a plantation-like estate who’s reached marrying age.

KFC recommended watching the 15-minute movie with an order of its own deep-fried, crispy chicken, but unfortunately, Col. Harland Sanders never made a gluten-free recipe, so I had to go without my movie treat. I couldn’t even burn a KFC 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog to create the mood, as my apartment’s fireplace has been boarded up since I moved in.

Luckily, the first line of the movie reminded me what it’s all about: “The chicken is delicious.”

Previously:Yes, Mario Lopez is starring as Colonel Sanders in a 'suspenseful' Lifetime romance movie

The line comes after the camera pans across an ornately decorated dining room table covered in what I can only presume is Kentucky Fried Chicken and all the sides, giving away the film's true, extended-commercial identity.  

Chad Doreck, as Billy Garibaldi III, opens the scene, drawing us into what quickly becomes a suspenseful plot incomparable to any existing marketing ploy. Billy compliments the woman at the head of the table, who reminds him that she “can’t cook like this” — the chicken was actually made by the family’s “incredibly talented” new chef.

Billy then turns to the woman sitting next to him, Jessica, and declares himself to be “wildly, madly, certifiably, insanely in love” with her before pulling out a diamond ring and proposing. Rendered speechless, Jessica bolts from the dining room as the woman at the head of the table — her mom — appears horrified by her daughter’s behavior.

In the next scene, which takes place the following morning, we learn Jessica’s family was left in considerable debt by her father.

“Marrying Billy is the only thing that can save us,” Jessica’s mother, Bunny, informs her over the breakfast table. Tessa Munro, who plays Bunny, doesn't have many performances listed on her IMDb bio, but her display of a wide range of emotions throughout "A Recipe for Seduction" is nothing short of convincing.

Enter: Latino silver fox Harland Sanders, played by Mario Lopez, dream hunk.

Just like the rest of us, slack-jawed Jessica is mesmerized by the man who turns out to be the family’s new chef — the one who made the delicious chicken at the disastrous dinner the night before. Wearing a short-sleeved, crispy white shirt with several buttons left open to frame a relaxed, black ascot, Lopez as Harland Sanders has finally achieved KFC’s yearslong pursuit of establishing its founder as a sex icon.

After breakfast, Jessica walks out to the front of the mansion where Harland is accepting an order of fresh vegetables. His muscular arms lower the crates to the ground so he can join Jessica on a tour of the property surrounded by gardens and a swimming pool, where she confides in him her reservations about Billy.

In turn, Harland opens up about his dreams of using his “secret recipe” to change the world, and Lopez' earnestness drives home the promising future before this young, successful chef.

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As they’re talking, Billy’s voice appears from out of frame, and the camera cuts to him storming down a set of stairs, yelling at Jessica for humiliating and rejecting him.

Jessica runs away after Harland tries to get Billy to cool his jets, and then comes the best line of the movie: “Don’t call me crouton.” (Billy had called Harland crouton.) Only spoken from the mouth of Lopez could such a simple statement deliver such strength and authority.

In the next scene, Bunny overhears her daughter talking on the phone with her gay best friend (of course), telling him about how she thinks she’s falling for the new chef.

I'll cut the play-by-play but will say each following scene gets more and more shocking, in true Lifetime fashion, as we learn Bunny is actually having an affair with Billy (scandalous!) and apparently is willing to severely impair her daughter’s gay best friend and even kill the renowned chef himself to force Jessica to marry Billy.

While Lopez' performance really brings the sexy appeal of Kentucky Fried Chicken to life, the movie's score is what drives the story line. If you're not sure what mood you should be in while watching a seductive movie about a fast-food chicken chain founder, let the piano clue you in.

"A Recipe for Seduction" is perfect for the person who says they can't focus long enough to watch a full movie. It wraps into 15 minutes all the best fixings of any film: a family wrought with turmoil, a gasp-inducing revelation and an exciting climax complete with multiple murder attempts.

There are some loose ends left up in the air when the credits roll, and the final scene ends on a troubling cliffhanger — could this mean there will be a sequel?

Time will tell, but luckily, the film is available online at mylifetime.com/christmas-movies for anyone who missed the premiere or wants to rewatch this finger-lickin' good holiday romance.

I give it five out of five chicken wings.

Reach Emma Austin at eaustin@gannett.com or on Twitter at @emmacaustin.